From Guilty Pleasures to Self-Care: Why Indulging is Good for You

Middle-aged people we have experienced a lifetime of challenges, triumphs, and growth. We have raised our children, built careers, and overcome obstacles that have shaped us into the strong and resilient women we are today. But as we enter this new phase of life, it's important to recognize the unique challenges we may face in navigating relationships. Whether it's with our adult children, partners, friends, or even ourselves, here are some thoughts, tips, and examples to guide you on this journey. 1. Embrace Change: As we age, our relationships naturally evolve. Our children become adults, our friendships may shift, and our romantic partnerships may change. Embrace these changes. Go on vacation without your partner. Can you imagine how great it will be listening to Kajagoogoo and not being interrupted by your husband trying to ask and expect you to answer the meaning of life? Oh, was that just me? Learn to cook food you couldn't cook when your kids were around. Do you remember how they were too darn picky? Treat-yo-self. The sky is the limit. New opportunities for growth and new beginnings show up all the time. The trick is to remember that change is a part of life and can lead to beautiful transformations. 2. Set Boundaries: Communication is vital to any successful relationship. However, if you are anything like me, you might have to mask the real opinionated Black women most of the day; communication is the last thing I want to do. Take the time to express your thoughts and say things like, nope, I'm not going out, or Why can't you come over here? Who's paying? I don't have pants on, sorry I can't go. All of those are acceptable reasons, or feel free to develop your own. Be open and honest about how you want to spend your time and encourage others to do the same. You can build stronger and more meaningful connections by fostering open communication lines. 3. Set Boundaries II: As a Black woman in my 50s, I often care for others and put their needs before mine. While that is what I did as a young parent to prove I was better at parenting than your parents, only to find out I over-corrected, and now I have self-sufficient adult children who are too busy to call, or so I've heard. it's important to set boundaries and prioritize self-care. Learn to say no when necessary and establish healthy boundaries that protect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. 4. Embrace Self-Love: Remember to prioritize yourself. Self-love might look like eating pizza for breakfast. Walking to your car and thinking about jogging at your favorite hiking trail, but then, plot twist, you go to Walmart and grab some Ben & Jerry's Phish food. It might seem like most of my advice is to eat. You wouldn't be wrong. It's late, and I'm hungry, but chances are food would be my answer. You don't have to share with anyone. Take time for self-reflection, engage in activities that bring you joy, like walking on the grass without your shoes, Listening to Mint Conditions, "You got me swangin." Try a TikTok dance, and later, ice your knees. You know why your knees hurt, and it ain't only that damn dance, Ya, filthy nasty. Stop playin'. 5. Embrace Your Individuality: I can't express this enough. Do things by yourself. Go to the movies your partner can't stand. My husband likes movies when people fall in love and enjoy each other's company. I like sci-fi and action. I need a minimum of ten needless car chases, goofy one-liners, and sexy people. And...And...I sure as heck will talk all I want directly at the movie screen because how else am I supposed to work through the fight scenes if I don't commentate through the entire action-packed moment? and Black women in our 50s, we have a unique perspective and a wealth of knowledge to offer. Embrace your individuality and share your experiences with others. Your voice is valuable, especially for the people at a movie theater. How else are they supposed to know when something is funny? Also, realize not everyone wants to hear your voice. It's okay; you can bless them with your insight if you wait until they go to the bathroom and say whatever you need to communicate through the door. I haven't met anyone who enjoys that approach, but go for it; it might work for you. Navigating relationships as Black women in our 50s may come with its own set of challenges, but with the right mindset and support, we can create meaningful connections and thrive in this new phase of life. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Together, we can build a community that uplifts, supports, and celebrates the strength and resilience of Black women in their 50s. As always, "I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one."